Disclaimer: This story is entirely a work of fiction. The plot idea was given by a friend who would like to remain anonymous.
1. Missing the boat
It was an early Sunday morning in April. There was a slight nip in the air…the one that marks the passing of winter.
Shanti was getting ready for the Satyanarayan Pooja at Bhavesh and Kantaben's house. They had it every year on the Sunday after their anniversary.
Everyone praised Kanta for her elaborate preparations. Everyone had great respect for Bhavesh too.
Shanti also wanted to perform this Pooja. If not once a year, at least once in two or three years.
She wanted to be like her friends. She wanted to fit in society and like everyone else, wanted to demonstrate her religious and spiritual side.
She wanted them to believe that she was still as Indian at heart as they were. That she too valued Indian culture and traditions as much as they did despite living in the United States for almost twenty years.
She carefully draped her silk saree. It had a heavy zari border. She looked beautiful and elegant. She had already laid out the matching jewelry on the dressing table and was applying the final touches of makeup before she put it on.
Shanti was always the best dressed among her friends and had the right touch of sophistication in her demeanor.
She looked at herself in the mirror with satisfaction then stepped out of the bedroom to find Ashwin spread out lazily on the sofa listening to some random podcast on colonizing Mars, interstellar travel, and the future of Humankind.
“What in the world are you doing? Why aren't you ready yet?
Ashwin was wise enough not to remind her that it was Sunday. The official lazy day of the week. He jumped up and rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
"Oh my God! Are we going somewhere today? Where? Where? Think fast, Ashwin!" he tried hard to recollect as he came crashing back to earth from Mars. His male brain refused to register anything unrelated to food, sports, war, space exploration, and science fiction. What could he do if his wife was not talking about any of these? He was just not equipped for it.
He tried to cover up for his lapse of memory by pulling off his usual trick, "Wow! You look gorgeous, honey! Where are we going?"
But Shanti was annoyed and did not fall for his trick this time. "You were not listening to me, were you?" she said, giving him her classic glare. "Anyway, don't bother. Just get ready. I'll drive. You'll know when we reach. Just put on the blue kurta we bought on our last visit to India." she instructed him. "Oh no! We are going to be late again. The pooja will start before we reach." She muttered as she tried to curb her anger that had slowly started building up. Shanti dreaded the Chicago traffic. A fifteen mile drive could stretch to one hour sometimes.
"Don't worry. We will be in time for Prasad" Ashwin said, wiping his face when he suddenly remembered where they were going.
Now Shanti flew into a rage. "As it is, we don't perform any pooja or have any religious ceremonies in our house. And when we are invited, we don't even arrive on time. Look at Bhavesh! Such a pious man. See how the gods are blessing them. They have a gifted daughter. And don't you remember how Kanta was magically unhurt in that horrible accident? It's all their devotion paying off."
Ashwin was surprised.
"I didn't know that you wanted to perform pooja at home," he said. Then after a brief pause, he added, "Okay! Let's do it, I'll help you."
Shanti's anger lost steam. She hadn't expected Ashwin to agree to this so easily.
"I know you don't believe in religious rites and rituals. But don't you think our friends are getting things more easily? See how lucky they are!! I think it's a blessing from God. Don't you think we are missing out? We need to appease God if we want to be happier. I don’t like it that we are the only ones who don’t do Satyanarayan at home." she said.
Ashwin was now genuinely bewildered. “Doing” Satyanarayan….just like their friends??? But Shanti was not the religious sort. Just as he attended poojas for Prasad and lunch, he had always assumed that she did so to show off her clothes, socialize with their circle, and mingle with them.
How little he knew his wife of 20 years!
He would have happily had a pooja party at home. After all, fun, food, and friends are what matter. They were used to organizing parties and get-togethers. This would be just another party….with a pooja theme….nice for a change.
So, what was Shanti cribbing about? Did she feel that she was missing the boat? Did she really want to be like those pretentious ladies? Ashwin had been observing them for the last fifteen years and was fed up with the herd mentality displayed by the stereotypical Indians in America and now, his sensible wife was ready to join the bandwagon. A million thoughts went fleeting past through his mind.
He was still puzzled as they drove towards Bhavesh and Kantaben’s house when Shanti brought up the topic again. "Why don't you meet Bhavesh more often? You can skip your boys night out on Friday and we can visit Hanuman mandir with them on Saturday morning instead."
"How are the two things even related? Even the days are different. Anyway, Saturday mornings are out of the question. Nothing can come in the way of my tennis league." he thought to himself.
2. The big donors
They reached the Patel residence within minutes. Shanti was smiling again. She blended easily into the gaggle of ladies who had taken their positions on the carpet waiting for the pooja to start while Ashwin was feeling lost and confused. He secretly felt that those who were on time were judging and criticizing him for his casual approach towards everything holy. He had been at the receiving end of sarcastic comments on many occasions before.
As always, he was nagged by the thought, "What will I do here?"
And very soon, on the way home, he would be hounded by the question, "What did I do there?"
He was feeling dizzy with the sensory overload of the sights and smells of the decorations, flowers, incense, ghee lamps, and food when Jaideep suddenly brought him to his senses. " So, how's Manav enjoying his trip?"
Manav, Ashwin's son; and Jaideep’s son Atul were in the same class in school and were out on a three-day camping trip. Both the boys were extremely enthusiastic and were Boy Scouts since elementary school. This year they were aiming to earn the Eagle Scouts badge by doing a lot of volunteer work. In addition, it would also help them with their college applications. Just like their fathers, they too were good friends.
A lot of confusing things were happening that day. Jaideep Patil generally avoided these gatherings while his wife Supriya Godbole thrived in them. Ashwin was as surprised to see Jaideep as he was relieved.
"Supriya refused to cook today," said Jaideep as if he had read his mind.
“Had it not been for people like Jaideep, the world would have been a lonely place for misfits like me,” thought Ashwin.
Ashwin and Jaideep bonded over sports, photography, and Friday nights. Unlike Bhavesh, who spent Saturdays either in their Derasar or at the Hanuman temple ….and Sundays were dedicated to hosting poojas at home.
Bhavesh and Kantaben also donated generously to religious causes like adding marble steps to temples and sponsoring prasad for devotees every once in a while.
“Did you know, Atul and Manav were collecting money for the soup kitchen last week?” asked Jaideep.
“I certainly do,” said Ashwin, “They apparently collected money from the entire neighborhood.”
“Yes. I drove them to other places as well where the rest of our friends live. Took Tanvi along with us as Supriya wasn’t at home.” explained Jaideep.
Tanvi, who was standing quietly so far, suddenly turned and said to Jaideep, “Baba, why didn't some people give?.”
Ashwin, who was generous to a fault, spontaneously raised his eyebrows. Tanvi was a bright child and read Ashwin’s expression.
“Do you know uncle? Kanta aunty didn't give money for the soup kitchen." she explained.
"ROI" chuckled Jaideep and Ashwin gave him a discreet thumbs up.
They had this private joke about Bhavesh and Kantaben donating only when they saw themselves getting good Returns on their Investment. Donating to school children and contributing towards homeless people's charity was not going to earn them much credit in the house of God. Low returns…so no investment.
Just recently they gifted a gold chain to the Jain Temple for which their name was even flashed on the temple LED display as donors of the week.
Kanta was the only daughter of a rich landlord from interior Gujarat. She was born after years of fervent prayers and promises to God. A grand pooja used to be held every year on her birthday and the entire village was invited for lunch. Her parents left no stone unturned in showing their gratitude to God for blessing them with a baby even if it was a girl. In a way, they had become role models for the villagers for their open-mindedness. Suddenly there was more tolerance towards the girl child in that particular region of Gujarat.
Bhavesh on the other hand was a diamond merchant's son born and bred in a big city but from a religious family nevertheless!
Both Bhavesh and Kanta's families thought that they had struck gold when the match was made. Poojas, donations, and offerings to God were a way of life for these families. They believed that if you kept the Gods happy, they would keep you happy in return by taking care of all your needs.
3. Because they say so…
The guests kept pouring in from different parts of the city. Suddenly Tanvi spotted the Natrajan family driving in. “Baba, there’s Ananya" she said excitedly and ran off to play with her.
"Tell Mickey uncle and Swathi aunty to meet us here.” instructed Jaideep to his daughter.
"Mokshagundam Venugopalan Rajshekhar Venkatraman Natrajan” Such a mouthful name! Mokshagundam, a.k.a. Mickey; for obvious reasons, was the youngest in the group. Ashwin and Jaideep would often dare each other to say his name in a single breath; that too James Bond style…"My name is Natrajan. Mokshagundam Venugopalan Rajashekhar Venkatraman Natrajan". It looked hilarious, especially when Jaideep said it because he was the perfect antithesis of all the Bonds that have ever been. He was a plump, rosy cheeked man who could at best look mildly displeased even when he was furious.
Mickey was working towards his Ph.D. in molecular biology while Swathi was a physiotherapist. She gratefully handed over the toddler to Tanvi and bustled past Ashwin and Jaideep in a hurry, barely managing a polite smile.
“Whoa! What’s the rush?” Ashwin uttered.
“She has to meet Panditji before the katha starts. He might be in a hurry to leave after it ends if he has another pooja lined up in the afternoon.” Mickey explained. “We need him for the Shanti Paath we are performing during the solar eclipse next month. The pandit in the temple near our house has two bookings already and isn’t available on that day.”
“Well, you know, my grandparents always insisted on doing this particular pooja. It has been a ritual in my house for several generations” Swathi tried to explain feebly as she returned midway when the pandit signalled "later". She came from a family of priests in Madurai and any shift in the position of heavenly bodies resulted in a pooja; or even a homam if the shift was of sufficiently large magnitude.
"It brings so much positivity to the environment. One can feel the negative energy draining away." Mickey supported Swathi by trying to cover up her reason that it was her family's tradition. Mokshagundam's father, though a Ph.D. in analytical chemistry, was at the beck and call of Muhurtams and Rahukalams. Moksha's grandfather was religious to the extent of being a fanatic. Legends say that even the water pot in their house would be filled only after referring to the astrological charts. Once Moksha's father accidentally touched the rice vessel with his right hand while eating and had to perform all the menial tasks in the house for a month as punishment.
Ashwin was flabbergasted! Didn’t Mickey know why eclipses occur? How could an eclipse harm anyone? How was the Shanti Paath going to save him from the eclipse?
Ashwin was always puzzled by the irrational, illogical justification from educated people about following rituals blindly.
Ashwin could not comprehend how people could override logic and common sense so easily in the name of some ancient textbooks.
4. Rooting for Discipline
"Okay kids! Don't crowd around. Form a queue," a voice commanded, 'eclipsing' Ashwin's thoughts.
That was the tone that automatically awakened the student in you….it instilled fear and obedience. Mrs. Gupta was a force to be reckoned with! The short, haggard, and bespectacled lady had been a teacher in India for 25 years out of which the last 8 years were in the role of the vice principal.
She had moved in with her son in the US after the sudden demise of her husband 6 years ago. The personal loss had mellowed her down tremendously her son had said and Ashwin could not help wondering what a terror she must have been in her prime.
She had been on a mission to discipline all the Indian American kids ever since she settled down… And that momentous day, Ashwin remembered vividly, was the day she had earned her driver’s license after 2 attempts. It had been exhausting to hear her tirade on the traffic police and RTO in India. And then a contradictory tirade about the American system where they harassed you no end to give you a simple driver’s license.
Ashwin was completely confused till he realized that the little lady just enjoyed making long indignant speeches about almost anything on earth as long as she felt she was giving a moral lesson to her unwilling audience. “You can take a teacher out of school; but you can never take a school out of a teacher,” he had concluded.
He felt that he had to rescue the kids. So, he casually strolled over to where the children had gathered. Mrs. Gupta stood there flashing her new “Louis Vuitton” purse in front of her. Ashwin greeted her with a hello and then turned towards the children and said, "Hey, kids!”
The children immediately brightened up. Uncle Ashwin was a huge hit with children of all ages because of his youthful attitude and his knack for turning ordinary incidents into humorous stories. “Kids, queues are important. You must have discipline in life. Line up please!” Mrs. Gupta looked triumphantly at the children when she saw that she had support.
“Just last week, a lady barged in front of me at the store saying that she had just one item to check-out. Do you think it’s fair to jump the queue?” Ashwin continued.
“No, Ashwin uncle,” the children said in unison and happily lined up for their Easter baskets which Mrs. Gupta had brought for all of them. Mrs. Gupta's face momentarily clouded over. She knew that Ashwin was referring to her when he narrated the little incident and had the grace to feel embarrassed.
"Uncle, can we jump the queue in case we are in a real hurry?" asked little Aditi.
"You should never do that, Aditi. In case you are in a rush, just request the person standing in front of you. Some people are kind and they allow you." explained Myra, the lanky 15 year old, who was the oldest among the children present.
"I think you should be allowed to go ahead of everyone." Aditi said looking at Myra's bandaged ankle. She had sprained it the previous week during the state basketball championship.
Mrs. Gupta was never a sports supporter, “Well, well, Myra, all these things…..basketball and football… are fine for a little while, but you should not lose your focus from studies. These sports are of no use in the future. They are just for fun. You must maintain good grades if you want a good job.”
She had successfully changed the topic from queues to studies and was back into command mode. And once she started speaking, there was no stopping her. She continued her rant….on a completely unrelated topic this time, “While driving here today, there were so many drivers switching lanes and not using indicators. Such an undisciplined crowd!!!! If they can not follow the traffic rules, I'm sure there must be chaos and disorder in their lives too!!!”
No sooner had Mrs. Gupta finished speaking, Tanvi rushed through the door. “Mrs. Gupta, you have parked your car near the Fire hydrant. It is not allowed!"
" A police car was on patrol in our area and they pointed it out." said Jaideep, who entered the room behind Tanvi. "The officer said that he does not want to write citations for any neighborhood violation as long as it is corrected immediately. Can you please move out your 'Bimmer'?"
The kids started giggling immediately at the word “Bimmer”. Mrs. Gupta was proud of her new BMW and referred to her car as the “Bimmer", slang for BMW.
“Wahe Guru!!! This is such a small neighborhood and parking is always an issue here.” she grumbled while leaving to move her car. It was extremely difficult for her to accept her mistakes.
5. No tax for devotion
As the day progressed, Ashwin found himself growing sadder by the minute. The repetitive story told in a monotone and his growling stomach was a painful combination. The pandit had ordered all those who had assembled to maintain a strict fast till the end of the pooja. Even the children were not spared. Ashwin had started having visions of last night's leftover butter chicken kept in the fridge.
He could control himself no longer and stole 2 raisins from a bowl on the table when no one was looking. But he was no match for Jaideep, who had managed to smuggle a batata vada from the kitchen; half of which he quietly fed to Tanvi before quickly gobbling down the other half.
Shanti noticed Ashwin’s plight and silently slipped into the kitchen and smuggled a batata Vada for her starving husband.
That cheered him up a little and he whispered to her, "I hope Kantaben did not notice or she might start the pooja all over again." Shanti giggled and quickly took her position back among the ladies.
The pooja seemed to drag on for what seemed like an eternity. But finally, the ordeal ended and the Panditji announced the pooja to be over.
Ashwin and Jaideep were the first to go and get Prasad. They had heard in the Satyanarayan Katha how the Merchant lost everything because he forgot to eat Prasad and the situation magically got rectified after the merchant's wife did Satyanarayan Pooja. Why take a risk?
“Eat fast after a fast” was Ashwin’s motto.
The Panditji saw Ashwin hogging the prasad and grumbled loudly with distaste, “There’s no limit to some people’s gluttony.” and proceeded to collect money from the pooja thali.
Meanwhile, someone had moved the Satyanarayan frame away to get better photos with the Pooja background. All the ladies hurriedly assembled for the photo session.
“Have you come to the Pooja to praise the Gods or to take selfies? The mighty God is watching everything.” Panditji thundered!
Fortunately, for everyone, Swathi interrupted Panditji before he could start his discourse,
“Panditji, I have one more request. We want to perform Srivari Kalyanam at the Venkatesh Temple. Please give me the auspicious day and time and your availability for that."
Panditji's face lit up.
“That is wonderful!! I am so happy that you follow all the rituals of our Sanatan Dharma. Many people forget their roots after coming to this country. They have become too westernized and have forsaken our culture. They are so busy chasing money, that they fail to see who gave them all this in the first place.” Panditji said, giving Ashwin a nasty glance. Ashwin gave him a cheeky smile in return. Ashwin had unabashedly started eating beef and the Panditji knew about it.
“Let me give you a better alternative, akka." Panditji continued. "Venkatesh temple is charging 1100 dollars for Srivari Kalyanam at their premises. However, I can do it for 700 at your house. As such Venkatesh temple is busy nowadays and you have a nice basement to accommodate the guests.” Panditji was quickly back in business.
“That sounds like a deal,” Swathi replied.
Panditji left after sealing the deal and everyone sat down to unwind. He was going to attend the next ceremony and wanted to cover as many events as possible.
Bhavesh and Ashwin, who were colleagues, started reminiscing about the previous weekend's office party. Ashwin had particularly relished filet mignon that day. Bhavesh too had enjoyed that party…. Well, a little too much!…..He got so drunk that Ashwin prohibited him from driving and had to drop him home. Bhavesh had good taste in whiskey and maintained an enviable collection. But he was smart enough to cover the bottles with curtains before the Pooja started.
Soon, Jaideep, Mickey, Mrs. Gupta, and the others drifted toward them and they all started making plans for the next weekend.
“Hey, shall we visit that new winery? I heard they have free wine tasting and the place is amazing” Started Mrs. Gupta
“That sounds like my type of plan.” Mickey added.
“We have one birthday party to attend, but we can wrap up quickly and meet you there directly... as such it is not very far,” Swathi agreed.
“I will get some Dhokla and Kachori. It is difficult to get vegetarian food there. I do not trust these outside restaurants, they use the same vessels for vegetarian and non vegetarian dishes,” Kantaben added. Bhavesh had already started dreaming about the wines.
Ashwin looked at Shanti. She nodded and he was glad to get the approval of the home ministry.
The plan got finalized and everyone was happy and relaxed.
“Save your boat!!!” Jaideep mischievously cheered by raising the glass of Panchamrut in his hand as toast. All the others followed his lead and loudly echoed, "CHEERS!"
